Today we tied the knot.
When I woke up this morning my hands hit the alarm clock and absorbed its vibrato shrilling. I had been up most of the night, anxious, but I put that aside quickly by reminding myself of the future. There was a lot to do to get ready!
I shaved carefully, slower than normal as I didn’t want any blood on me. Things had to be perfect. I felt my stomach churning with nerves as I showered but by the time I got out of the shower my trembling fingers had calmed to a bass instinct.
I stood in front of a full length mirror as I fumbled with the buttons on my clean white shirt. It reminded me of when you taught me how to iron. I wasn’t as good at it as you were but I looked respectable.
Dressed and ready I knew the time was almost come, but before I went downstairs to meet you I hung out of the window smoking a cigarette. You didn’t know I’d taken up smoking whilst we prepared for the big day, I tried not to let on but sometimes I think you smell it on me. I remembered you telling me you’d let me get away with murder because you think I’m so handsome. I smiled at the thought and straightened my cuff-links. You bought them for me on our first Valentine’s day together, they always made us smile.
I snuffed the cigarette out on the brickwork and then closed the window. I came downstairs quickly and could smell the flowers before I saw them. Gerberas, your favourites. I smiled again – remembering. So many memories. The time my dog, our dog, Snoopy chewed your expensive shoes and I had sneaked out the next morning to get apology flowers from him for you. You kissed me over and over again that day and told me it reminded you why you loved me. The memory warmed my skin.
I stepped into the room you were waiting in and smiled at you, you looked so beautiful, love, draped in white. We spoke in hushed voices about nothing as if today was an ordinary Saturday until eventually you smiled at me and stroked your delicate fingers down my cheek “Well, are you ready?” you asked softly. I smiled and replied “I should be asking you that”. You kissed me as a reply and told me you loved me. That was all we needed to say, I suppose.
I pulled the oxygen tube up onto the bed and it slid into your lap like a puppy nuzzling at its master returned home. I focused on breathing, everything else could come later. You held the tube in your hands and nudged me to pick up the other end. Then, like you did all those times on the boats, you showed me how to tie a knot.